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Sep. 1st, 2007

insane, chiaki, eliza, kuriyama

Feeling Worthless

It's hard to get my mind back into School and then come home, do my homework and then go on the computer and reply to a few posts and do whatever I did to do. I seem to be pushing my friends away. I rarely see them. I'm not even sure if they still are my friends. And then I have people telling that I have no friends. That I'm ugly. That I'm going grey. That I'm a fudgecake, fudgiebar, useless, stupid, ignorant, ugly, idiotic, worthless person. I don't need to be told stuff that I already know. And if I Lash out and hurt someone for hurting me, I get in trouble. And I don't want that. Thats my problem. I'm afraid of getting into trouble. I'm afraid of doing something wrong, saying something wrong. I keep looking at some random girl in my year and saying to myself :: Why don't I look like her? Why don't the lads like me as much as they like her? Why can't I be as popular as her? Why am I known for my dodgy last name instead of being known for my skills? My achievements? Why do people like my mother and the rest of my family more than they like me? I am always finding myself avoiding mirrors and avoiding everyone else. I just want to block everyone out of my life. I DO Block everyone out. I block every single one out. I barely notice my mother. I didn't even know that she had stayed downtown when I had came up. I had thought she was the sittingroom or the backyard. I sometimes even switch off my phone so I won't have to get an annoying phone call from someone from school or from the town. I even hate going to Birthday Parties now. The last birthday party I was at, I just sat cross-legged upon the picnic table bench and rocked back and forth. I looked like a nutter. And people continued to come up to me and ask me if I was alright and I just blanked out. I didn't even notice them. It was only until I found some food that I finally snapped out of it. Then I returned to sitting and rocking. And everyone is so ------ not concerned about me. They know that I'm wasting all my life upon the computer, that I am probably ruining my eyes and becoming dettached from the real world and they don't care. Am I really that worthless? I wouldn't mind it if ONE person would worry about me. Someone besides my mother. But my mother is now more concerned about making her Ex-Boyfriend and everyone who 'is madly in love with her' jealous. It's driving me insane. I just wish to crawl into a dark corner of a room and die. Though, nobody would probably notice. sad.gif

Aug. 19th, 2007

insane, chiaki, eliza, kuriyama

Upset and Confused

So, Today has been alright. Until I and my Mother came back from going down town. We had been downloading pictures from our camera of holiday pictures and when we went searching for them, we could not find them. I just sighed and told my mother there must be something up with the cameras but her attention was on a few pictures I had upon my computer. You see, Chiaki Kuriyama represents my RP Character Eliza and I have many different pictures of her upon my computer to use when i'm making siggiehs and avviehs. Well, my mother's Ex Boyfriend had left her for a Chinese/Thai woman so ---- My mommeh got kind of angry with me for having so many pictures and began to shouting at me. She told me that I was obbessed and then siad if I did not chance Eliza's appearance, I would be banned from the computer. I've had enough bannments from different things to last me a lifetime so i groaned and hsouted back at her. Then she began to cry and shout, which made me cry. I'm confused about this all. Is she crying because of what I've done or what her Ex has done or both? I don't know and I'm upset. I've been crying for a while and have now just cracked into a packet of HobNobs. I suspect the packet and biscuits shall be gone in at least 10 minutes. Oh-well.

Aug. 18th, 2007

insane, chiaki, eliza, kuriyama

Ready for Torture.

I am really hyper right now, it's either because I've drank half a 3 litre bottle of Coca-Cola or because I know the future holds for my darling Eliza upon OAW. I have already begun to type up future posts for later use. I can't wait! All I need is My bestest buddies A, Bee, Angel and Natters and the RP torture shall commence! Poor Luna. She's gonna die soon. -wipes tear away- Me and A shall cry our hearts out and then continue RP torturing! XD. Well, I will continue RP torturing!

Since I have been banned from Snitchseeker (<_<), I have been posting longer and more descripive posts. I suppose it's because I have to make up for losing out on posts on SS. I need to feed my RP addiction so I do so with long posts and more RP torture for Eliza. The more torture in RP's the better, I think. And this next RP Torture will be the best ever! Well, mainly because it will be mental and physical RP Torture for Eliza! ^_^ 

Oh-yeah. Eliza is my RP character of OAW and was my RP Character on SS. She is Married to the current Minister of Magic on OAW. And she's a Ex-Death-Eater, Evil In Denial and Slightly Insane because she thinks that newborn babies will just waltz up to her and thinks that the daughter of the two people she fears (Luna Moore and Ringo Mercury) wants to kill her! XD. She's one nutjob, and she'll be even nuttier soon!!!!!!

So. Yes, I am very Hyper! ^_^


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insane, chiaki, eliza, kuriyama

January 2008



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